True Urban Legends

i'm over 21, but i'm still looking for big fun.

i've been rather conservative here in "la belle province" though, just mainly reveling in the humidity and heat, the sunshine bringing some lovely healing to my skin and coaxing out my melanin. on the eve of the smoking ban here (last major canadian city to adopt it) i can't help but think it serendipitous that i'll be chillin' at the jazz fest without many a cigarette in my face.

the parc lafontaine is officially my "office" much like the central library was in vancouver. montreal's finest parc (that i've met yet, and i've been there every single day) was designed by the same cat that did central park in nyc. it's huge, and nice to see everyone enjoying trees, baseball, tennis, old folks and their bacci tournaments, loud house music, capoeira, all the squirrels i've stalked up their trees for pix with my camera phone, and let's not forget all the doggies in the pond...a couple cats ran after me to propose, and i have to give it to east coast cats..if they like you, they follow you. none of this smiling at you 17 times in one week shit on the west coast but they're too cool for school.

my french is ok, even though i've been pretty quiet, made friends with my roger's operator who changed my number over because she's here in montreal too, but all in all, i've played it pretty safe.

le val-mont est le Trader Joe's de la plateau mont-royal, which is where i have the luxury of staying until i move to the mcgill ghetto. all the fresh fruits, chocolate spelt cookies, soy pudding, cheese and that fabulous beast known as the baguette...all fringe benefits to the majorly veggie fare that J has been preparing with and peppering with lovely conversation since i got here. oh, check out the *Wink* cafe in van too just off Main by the ballet school, it's a winner.

the newest library here at sherbrooke and barri is amazing, though part of it is always closed when i walk my butt out there, but it's connected to the metro and the university all underground...i'm a dork, i know, but this is heaven, and i had endless entertainment just going up and down in all the different ways. the mont-royal metro is across from the mont-royal library too, so i wouldn't be surprised if they're connected too.

i went to a street theatre type "cabaret" last nite and it was fun, i got some of the poetry and humour, but not a lot. the music was ok, but it was mainly the quality of entertainment for $10...oh well, all for now, i'll be working on my latest interview from the parc tomorrow, where it promises to be 38 tomorrow (with humidity) so i'll roll around in the sticky icky without the smog of toronto and the poopy pants weather of vancity for all of you! fiddleheads.

the harbour city indeed.

i started out at Malespina, the university of the town, and was seduced by the giant sign that rested atop the mountain of stone steps that screamed out 'LIBRARY". alas and alack, they were closed because school's out. but i got to look through the gates like prisoners do, so all is not lost.

i continued the journey at Woodgrove Centre, where as much as I hated Roots towards the end of our relationship, I hate more that the gorgeous store space has been turned into some two bit warehouse for second rate Jacob shit. anytime hardwood floors go to waste, it's a sad day.

there was talk of homeowning, and bonding with small children over bug collecting and baybee's first taste of lemon. i enjoyed a chorizo burrito and a huge halibut steak during the course of the day.

i went to Coombs to see the "goat" on the roof, but upon further searching, there were more goats around the bend, and they were possessive too. the market there is a true market because not everything is marked up a billion times its worth (though the ice cream certainly seemed to be) so among the spoils of the war were coconut incense, ginger beer (that seemed to be mixed with gasoline) and diana ross wigs. (Keenyah made sure my Island trip was certainly that. she also gave me her camera phone, so look out world, the girl finally has a digital camera)

i missed the ferry, so i ended up staying over, and after waiting to no avail the creator of the slogan "no diamond no dick", we decided to retire from Plenty of Fish (I had to combine my two most favorite past-times, experiencing something new and IM impersonation) and go home to watch "Something New". I can only deduce that Blair Underwood will always be the professional good man that never catches a break with the lawyers (think of his stint as Miranda's bf on S&TC...and speaking of, go to youtube to watch Christina as SaMANtha) and Sanaa Lathan is a very good actress. Other than that, I will reserve comment on this film for another time.

this morning, rushing to not miss the ferry again, i finally got what i wanted, which was for someone to say "welcome to nanaimo" as i read it on a sign downtown by the local copshop. ah, redemption. rhubarb crumble.

this is a blog dedicated to the most magic co-worker with a low tolerance for "magicians". he's pretty freaking amazing and never hesitated to remind me that life (and patience) is more important that what people say..and he successfully called me on my beligerance (i totally spelled that wrong) without getting a swift kick to the groin, no small feat.

this day last fortnight was all about our last time hanging out, which was coincidentally our first time hanging out..and we were going to see The DaVinci Code, but through forces beyond our control, we discovered that there was a God, because this plan fell through. Magic was so deft as to think of a false answer to the camera crew, "I thought it was terrible, and not at all a sequel to Forest Gump" but I didn't, so alas and alack.

Instead, we went to numero uno pizza eat the same first meal of the day as the last meal the nite before (ya, i convinced vancouver's own suge white to run away from the dj set and get a slice only to make it back to see Yarah Bravo and oneself rock it...yes, i felt safe in a hip hop show again, but only because i knew where the exits were...and i got the sweetest dedication from Amalia and Sekoya... ) and he wanted a soda drink, so we went to the Templeton Diner...oh, what a glorious Granville Street treasure. Who knows what kind of business will be lost now that the street is closed off for skytrain construction...let's all get out of Vancouver before the Olympics so no one has to find out.

After making friends with strangers at the diner, and having some nice mushroomy poutine, we stopped in to play some video games a couple doors up. It was nice to see that there are more music related games than shooting games, and the extra hot tiny karaoke box game proved to be our winner. My inner singing diva is Cher and she was channelled quite a few times during the session. His was Axl Rose, so I have to say our shining point was "You Outta Know". I was a bit agro with the korean highschoolers who were essentially humping on the stool, but I got my dollars back when they were eaten by the machine.

This was all a setup to the meatfest at Bogart's Chop House, and I gotta get down with the meat lingo, because I didn't select a very big piece, but I helped the Magic one eat his, as he somehow got the biggest piece of meat I have ever seen. The dinner was pretty good though, if the service was a bit slow. Hey, I wasn't as underdressed as the party next to us who only seemed to be there for the xylophone man. well, all's well that ends slightly tipsy on an apple martini. go to www.nofuncity.blogspot.com for more on this Patrick character.

if ever you want to use a beauty-full day in vancouver wisely, follow this formula:

walk from granville island to denman bike rentals via davie street stopping at:

the dish for some fine eats (turkey/avocado wrap is a good starting point if you don't want to look at soup)

bubble mania because they have good balls of tapioca in their weekly drink specials

once you get to the bike rental place, rent yourself a shiny bubblegum pink "townie" low rider and...

proceed to bike around the seawall reflecting on your time spent in the city that is unique because it has the city elements and the nature elements...

 try not to let the seat be too hard on the cooch (try to get on a bike more than once every 11 years to prevent this)

end your day with a tinseltown movie (best theatre in the city), though arts school confidential is OK...cheezy ending made better by watching folks play dance dance revolution.

oh, and don't sleep on the chrysanthemum tea from T&T and other assorted goods to eat during the show. parsnips.

by myself.

coming soon.

until then, peep this urban legend in itself, the beginning of it all for me:

www.angelical.blog.com

zucchini and chocolate....

yippee! this girl is free of retail for the second time in under a year! if i go back, seriously shoot me.

if you are an artist, it is truly an urban legend that you can be happy long taking on some silly jobby mc jobbypants just to pay your bills, you're better off HUSTLING. don't be scurred, just be pre-purred. the two week countdown is officially ON. Montreal look out.

 in the meantime, i wrapped it up big time, helper chihuahuas, using jennifer aniston's ass to help put the word out on my article on 4th, roots rock reunion, and my personal fave, bunny in a green thong. that's right, you had to be there. i even broke some cat's camera over it, but as soon as he hits me up with the photos, y'all will see them.

my send off dinner with the darling durien took us back to kits, and when the octopus' pantry was closed, we opted to go to yuji's japanese tapas on 4th. we were armed with rollerblades and a tub of the roasted cashew cilantro sauce that we got from work ("that's the reaction of a tiger to say it tastes like meat"). we were a bit shy about the smuggle, but as the meal progressed, it was pretty unabashed.

our meal was amazing, and the sauce was the ultimate compliment. we made sure we angled all our little dishes to block the extra, but it went so well with our albacore tuna, the avocado scallop crepe (i didn't like the wrapper, whatever sushi snob traditionalist i am) kiwi and papaya rolls, hotpot complete with almost edible kelp, and wasabi tempura chicken.

the service was nice, got to showcase my nihongo, and the meal was capped with a dish of "men's pocky".

went back to the homestead to write my articles while durien built vaginal art as part of the hallway project then had to stay up all night to reverse it. i watched nutty videos from utube, and christina aguilera freaking rocks as kim cattrall on snl.

all this was capped with a lovely spoon and cuddle breaks from noodle eating from her deluxe eating station.

tomato.

library tales, that is. so i'm sitting in the central library, working on my edits, and i have to share the hilarity:

1) i sit across from the man with a billion papers. i'm talking bills, the buzzer (transit propaganda) everything, every little piece of paper one can have and he was folding them and organizing them into these little piles, one for his wallet, one for his backpack, one for his shirt pocket, then opening them back and folding them again. a little OCD but he didn't seem unpleasant.

2) Mya's effort "Moodring" is a bad ass joint. i wouldn't buy it, but i enjoy it everytime i listen to it courtesy of the VPL.

3) this guy from 6 desks away keeps coming up to me and telling me that my music is too loud (in my earphones) and to turn it down. i quizzically ask the paper guy if he can hear me (we're sharing a desk) and he claims he can't, so i have to direct a "whatever bitch, prance!" that's coming from the Mya track that's in the earphones his way, and when he comes back again, i exclaimed loudly that i didn't know what he was talking about, and apologized that he had bionic ears. whatever, maybe a bit uncalled for, but i don't like to be provoked. i flipped him the bird, then decided to leave the desk anyway, because i was just killing time and procrastinating from submitting some work (obviously i am still doing this)

4) on the escalator down, i see this husky guy wearing a shirt that says "keep laughing. it's your girlfriend's shirt". i instinctively followed the direction on the tight ass tee.

5) i get sidetracked and see a folded note and i can't resist, maybe it's the nosy juvenile in me, so i steal it and retreat to the stacks to read it, and feel mildly guilty that it's a heartpouring letter from an ex-alchoholic in counselling talking about the need for balance and friendship in her life. oops. so going to hell.

well, that's about it for this girl...thus concludes this volume of library tales, i'm still looking for my first erotic library tale, or library tail...i've heard good things about the U of T library. Bitch! 

"i don't know why you don't call it a push bike, you're part of the commonwealth"...a conversation with my mate from oz, in relation to a continuing conversation with a coworker from england. i laughed at the whole "push bike" thing because we just call it a bike.

oh well, this was as we were strolling along the back roads in kits as she dawdled to work on the island (so glad it's not me this week!) and we stopped in the robert held glass blowing studio to admire the blowfish and starfish and eggs and hearts and things. beautiful all together, but kinda kitshy when you bring them home one by one. the opposite of the lush products, which are nice one on one, but together in the store like one big smelly nightmare.

before that, we were having dim sum on broadway and fir, with the georgia straight opened up between us on the table ogling page 83. it was like we were in san fran or hong kong where folks go for dim sum everyday and speak excitedly.

before that, i was sitting outside goldilocks bakery wondering what to read because all the georgia straights had not been filled all the way up main and even onto broadway, when i looked up and there's the magical, mystical turquiose shiny new cover (i guess cuz the office is right across the street) and i opened it up and full on squealed and jumped up and down on the corner.

the best part of this was the process....and i can definitely say that it was worth all the efforts. thank-you to everyone involved.

last nite we checked out the red bull academy party at the media club, and it was the best presentation/hobnob/lamb skewer eating/free drink drinking shindig that no money could buy. i'm gonna apply, just for the shit of it, and i met some amazing characters there too...including green tara (again for the first time) and needle kineval, who i chased after screaming "hey you!!!! i see you everywhere, and dammit, we're gonna meet right now" with a beer cup (filled with water, since that banana and seven got me a bit flushed) in my hand...and we chitchatted until amals came and busted me and started another round of girls whose names begin and end with "a" pontificating on a sidewalk, down one.

but, who says it doesn't pay to tell the truth, to throw some elbows to get what you want? you just gotta be prepared when folks push back, but in the end, it just makes you step up your game, and come with the georgia straight goods. oh, cop the classified album, y'all that shit made me laugh like a hyena and almost fall off the elliptical machine this morning. halifax?! taro root.