myth #1: monogamy is the only way. when open relationships fail, it’s the concept, but when closed ones do, it’s the people.
myth #5-outside involvements don’t subtract from the intimacy one shares with her partner, but what about the inside? what if you’re the “other”?
(50) the gay code of conduct is so much simpler (amen) there is just the faith in the right to say “no” and mean it. (and not have to cold shoulder a library stalker).
(63) a lot of people describe having sex with one person as “being faithful” but that’s really about honoring your commitments and respecting your friends and lovers (that includes telling your partner that you have another lover, that should be a no brainer, but for some people, it’s not)
(65) nobody makes you “feel” jealous but you-don’t give up your right to have your own feelings.
(79) “do not commit yourself to a lifetime of hinting and hoping.” say werd. this is all about limits, or our difficulties with setting and sticking to honest ones.
(121) dumping vs. honest sharing of feelings. dumping and leaving is not fair, because it leaves the expectation on someone else to fix or alleviate your burden. not cool.
(126-7) letting go of what’s “yours” will make it come to you more. there is no scarcity of love, we don’t need to compete for it, nothing’s going to come and snatch it up, we don’t have to worry about the well running dry.
(133) monogamy is not a cure for jealousy.
(152) if you are jealous and feeling unloved, go love someone and see how that feels.
(173) intimacy is based on shared vulnerability.
(175) a fair fight is when everyone wins.
just because even though that is my notes version, i still won’t be able to get it all in my column. bigup Nadine for lending it to me.
this is a celebration. happy belated valentine’s day to the women in the music industry, just grindin’, because Lorde knows it’s not an easy place to be. many a good woman has been broken (miz hill, we’re here for you) or we have been brainwashed to believe so. echoing a recent sentiment from a fresh prince episode (ok, so i’ve been watching a LOT of tv on dvd lately, ok?!) “when are we going to stop doing this to eachother?”, all too often, we as women buy into the hype, we judge, we chastise, we participate in the divide and conquer that is the “industry”. i mean, who hasn’t shaken her head at a fellow sister (oh, the irony…) because let’s face it, we are triflin’ sometimes, everyone is, but how often do we acknowledge that the place for “us” (because we really need to complexify that in/ex/clusion) is tinier than a matchbox for a mouse to sleep in and a thousand times more hostile? i was listening to the fergie album (i know, i know) and though most of it went as i thought it would, there was a moment when she was right, when she was talking about the pedestals and self-image and ranks that we have amongst us, and it made me question how much we mimic men in the ways of competition and self-definition? life isn’t hip hop, and even hip hop isn’t that simple, so life isn’t that simple, but it really don’t have to be that complex. the truth is, fergie has talent, christina can sing, lil’ kim did have a moment as a rapper, mariah has pipes like you wouldn’t believe, but lupe ain’t the only one that’s aksed to “dumb it down”. so, why are we so quick to rake eachother over the coals? the industry is about money, and if a woman can break it, why do we hate? queen la is just doing what ice cube or xhibit is doing, but bigger because her obstacles are way bigger and her support system? what is selling out and what is our part? because selling out is a community practice…and so is evolution. where do you want to put your energy?
(this was a terrible movie, but i couldn’t resist this ridiculously hot shot) but the album, yes. As I Am is strangely reminiscent of the last album, but the third album is always tough, ain’t it? this time, she’s traded the braids up for a weave, lost Kanye, but found God. the result is more of the same, though “Go Ahead” doesn’t have the spunk of “Karma”, calling yourself a “Superwoman” is like anointing yourself “Brick House” (you just can’t say it about yourself), and for all intents and purposes, this is a gospel album. I guess her and Kirk Franklin are trading places…it is no wonder that “No One” is all over the radio, its requisite two word chorus/hook/verse is just what heavy rotation ordered, and it’s no less annoying when John Mayer sings it live in NYC nightclubs (trust me, I know this) and like the second album, the middle tracks are the strongest. ”Like You’ll Never See Me Again” is the first time I believe her and the breathy voice (better than the trapped throat voice), though I get the sneaking suspicion that they’re all going to have this theme of regret and shouldawouldacoulda that comes out of grief (I know homegirl must be hurting so I’ma let the rain effect go). “Lesson Learned” is the breakup with a heart of gold song, with the notable, “falling down ain’t falling down if you don’t cry when you hit the floor”, she has a point here. and I don’t mean to be nitpicky, but isn’t it “reckless” and not “wreckless”? (sigh) the days when we used to proofread…somebody, anybody! “Teenage Love Affair” doesn’t make much sense, because, how old is this woman? but I guess if she wanted to make a pre-quel to “You Don’t Know My Name”, she succeeded, because it works as that, down to the spoken interlude, it’s just not as fly. “I Need You” is when she starts falling off again, professing love in binaries and all (“up needs down, no needs yes). she tries the whole Amy Winehouse thing with “Where Do We Go From Here”, sorry sis, try some of the crack, maybe it will be better. though not to be a complete hater, I’m totally feeling this from that track, “sometimes I feel so heavy-hearted but I can’t explain because I’m so guarded.” amen.
yeah, i said it. she’s always got fly ladies (anne heche, the l-word photog, portia), and she’s a long term lover too. bigup. philip is an internet pimp. 
nice to know that a fella i dated a decade ago is so swift on the keyboard. but it’s nicer to know that i’m still cool with a fella i dated a decade ago, that’s nice. for the record though, i was the FIRST to call that “tiger woods lookalike” shit. for the record.
is my favorite song on the new album. hmm…this is just a shorty (the extendamix is coming on Shotgun’s Lyrical Lounge as soon as i get my own copy in the mail) but it’s clear that she’s going through a divorce, no? seems like working with janet jackson on the upcoming movie isn’t her only influence because she’s sometimes singing in the “little girl gone not so innocent” breathy sex tunes. and she’s just so much prettier with her hair non-blowout/relaxed…ain’t nothin’ like the real thing. oh, and i’m trying to like bilal, but i’m still not feeling it. what else am i not feeling? no more EQ at segafredo. RIP my friday nite soul in this city. BOO.
though she’s selling for a little more than “free-ninety-nine” if you catch my drift. karrine stevens claims that she’s wanted to be a famous writer since she was a child, but she didn’t go the route of submitting her work to any magazines or nothing, she donned some star pasties and chaps and auditionned for a Mystikal video..hmm…i’ll remember that when i’m mentoring young writers. she also will “never fight for sexual equality” (95) but will complain that tyra banks was setting her up on her show. she also pooh-poohs tichina arnold and tisha campbell’s friendship, but relishes in the glory of breaking the news to bobby brown (with whom she’s had an interesting relationship-who keeps bobby brown around their kid, but i digress) that his ex-wife is boning ray j, her on-again/off-again, i cringe a little bit every time i think of that fluid exchange. and speaking of, she says of her double life having ex-”boyfriend” (what do you call these men that can fool you into thinking that they are not stringing along multiple women, and can y’all school me on your scheduling mastery, please?!) the boxer, “as Antonio and his wife kissed, I recalled his face and lips between my legs, licking and sucking my clit and asshole. I wondered how I tasted to her.”
Bird is trying to convince me that i really love The Love Below (i didn’t feel the album because i was so in love with Andre when he was in the Stankonia/Dungeon Family days, that would be pre-Be Cool and during Badu, funny how i loved Common best during Du too…) but i haven’t been able to get past “vibrate”. bigup Baby Bro for playing it for me in the car and getting this party started. “muthafuck the wagon, come join the band. vibraaaaate.”
